What a Difference a Month Makes

Last time I blogged, we'd just met with the elder care lawyer. In the intervening month, I've managed to determine exactly how many life insurance policies there are on my parents. The lawyer has drawn up over half of the legal documents he decided Mom and Dad needed. I've also begun working with my mom to determine what mom and dad's assets are worth. That has entailed finding appraisers who will either come to the house to see things, or to find people that we can take items to for the appraisals.

I've also managed to hire a cleaning lady to help me with my own house. It was a pit after the summer I had last year. She and I are working diligently to get the house back under control. I foresee a large springtime garage sale in my future. It will help to get rid of stuff that we no longer use.

I'm still trying to homeschool my youngest son. He's doing well, in spite of the erratic schedule we keep. His reading and math are on track. I am going to look concentrate a bit more heavily on grammar in the next few months.

My eldest son is almost finished with elementary school. A midde schooler -- gack!

And my diabetes is more under control that it has been in the last few years. I've got a new doctor who is working with me, and how has a supportive, not judgmental, staff. That's always a good thing.

Part of today was spent with one of the best elder care attorneys in the state. We learned heaps of things about how to protect as much of Mom and Dad's assets as we can and still provide a way to pay for nursing home care for my dad when it becomes necessary. I never would have imagined how many legal documents it would take to set all of this up correctly. I will be forever indebted to my lawyer friend for finding the elder care lawyer. She says she didn't really do alot by finding him. She is so very mistaken.

So, today, 4 days before Christmas, I feel like my head is again above water on the parent front.

As for my house, I'm able to breathe a bit easier there too. A dear lady from church came and helped me take control of the kitchen, living room and dining room of MY house today. We'll actually have a Christmas tree up for Christmas! We'll decorate it tonight as a family. We'll get time together which has been so rare lately and get the tree ready for Christmas.

Another good thing that happened today is that I was able to attend my oldest DS's Christmas party at school. I've done so few things at his school this year, that I was very glad I could be there for this today.

Homesick

Oh boy. Monday mom and I had a meeting w/ the psychiatrists at Parkland re: my dad. They thought he was stable enough to be discharged. We disagreed and it was an awful meeting. The resident was pissy and was miffed that I asked how to spell her name. The attending was really ***chy and didn't even stay for all of the meeting.

Move ahead to today (Wed) and Dad has been discharged and has already had a seizure -- which was most likely caused by a drug interaction between stuff he's already on and the new meds they started this week. Yet in their words -- "He doesn't really even qualify to be here." Tell that to my mom who's scared of my dad now because of how he behaved about two weeks ago.

Dad insists he didn't have a seizure at all. My mom had to put me on the phone to explain that since he'd had the seizure, mom couldn't leave him alone, so he'd just have to sit in the car w/ her and wait on his new prescriptions to be filled. I also told him that we would NOT make it up that he'd had a seizure! Oh the trials and travails of dealing w/ someone with mental illness.

Tomorrow is a visit w/ a new psychiatrist who is much closer. I've heard very good things about him and he's willing to discuss medications etc. with family members. We'll ask for psychotherpy for Dad as well.

I have a meeting set up w/ a lawyer for Friday to learn about Medicaid and how to qualify. A dear friend who is a lawyer did lots of leg work for me and found this guy that we'll meet with on Friday. We have to do as much as we can now, in preparation for a nursing home placement that unfortunately appears to be looming in the not-too-distant future.

At least we'll (hopefully) have one more Christmas at home.

The Wheels on the bus go round and round...

...round and round we go.

We had to have my Dad committed to the psych. ward in the county hospital on Wednesday. It was a dreary, rainy day -- it pretty much matched the way I felt.

His psychiatrist agreed with us that after the 'event' over the weekend, that going into the hospital would be the best way to adjust his medications.

My dad has access to a telephone and has called here at least twice a day every day since. He doesn't sound any better. He still sounds as wild as he did before he was put into the hospital.

My mom doesn't want him to come back home. She's scared of him. Ugh. Now I'm looking into long-term residential psychiatric facilities, nursing homes, Medicade, etc., etc., etc.

Some Christmas gift that is!

My weekend

Life isn't much different here. My dad is still sick, his moods are really wild and my DH and I had to go over to their house today and spend 3 hours and eventually realized that my dad wasn't rational. So, I had to call his psychiatrist and he upped the dosages of a couple of Dad's meds. Dad agreed to take the extra meds, but he's not good.

He's still not doing well tonight. I imagine that my week next week will be consumed w/ doctors appointments for us and for them. Daddy needs to see his psychiatrist ASAP, one DS has 2 cavities that have to be filled on Tuesday. We also have piano on Mon and Tues. Counseling for another DS on Tues -- I'm going to try to talk to the counselor this week too. Wed. I have lunch plans w/ a friend I have not seen in ages. I"m sure there's something on the schedule for Thursday, I just cannot remember it right now -- oh, yes -- speech therapy! Then my oldest DS only goes to school for half a day on Friday and then Saturday is my birthday.

And I still have not shopped for Christmas gifts for us. The house is worse that it has been in years and neither Christmas tree has been put up.

I'm too depressed to face cleaning and decorating. Maybe this is the year to just put up one tree and let the rest go.

Sunday --
Didn't go to church because both DSs are sick. DH has gone to a funeral for a distant relative on his side of the family and I've been calling my parent's house hourly to make sure that things are still relatively calm. I was awakened by a phone call from my mom this a.m. pleading with me to explain to my dad (who no longer drives) why going to church (in his confused mental state) was not a good idea. He really didn't like it, but I convinced him that it would be better to stay home and let the extra medication do its work.

He's still very belligerent, but it's been 24 hours on the upped dosages, so hopefully things will begin to improve tonight.

Well, I've enlisted the help of the DSs to declutter the kitchen and family room. Neither is thrilled, but it has to be done.

Seeing the other side of life

I have to admit that I live in a pretty sheltered little bubble at times. We have very few friends who are divorced. We have recently had houseguests that are in the process of divorcing. Yes, they were here at the same time because they are from another country and were here to bring their children to the US on holiday. They are much more amicable than I would guess any divorcing parents are...but then it's a problem I am unfamiliar with. I'd like to think that I would be kind and put the children first, but then I do have a bit of a temper and at time a tongue that is loosed... but I digress.

I really enjoyed getting to see my friends and their children. I am happy to say that even though I met the 'him' part of the couple first, the friendship with the 'her' part of the couple is not going to be lost just because of the divorce. My husband gets along well with both of them, as do I, but I just don't speak geek as fluently as my husband does! ha. The two guys and I all worked together for a computer company more years ago that I'd like to admit. However, my life has changed and I now stay at home with my two DSs. I have to say that the conversations about system requirements, changing specifications, and end-users that are resistant to change just aren't my cup of tea any longer. I can tune in and empathize, but my hubby is much better at those conversations than I am!

The upshot of the weekend when we were all together is that I have realized (again) what a wonderful man God provided for me as a husband and father. He is attentive to our sons. He listens to me. My friend no longer has that in a marital relationship. They are in separate houses, with separate lives, and as such, no longer have the other to provide companionship and support. I know this probably sounds weird to anyone but me....but seeing how they are no longer together, makes me realize the blessings I have in my marriage.

I guess that's something that we all do at times: view our own lives differently after seeing the dramatic changes in the lives of those around us.

I don't know why I'm surprised by this, after the summer my family has had, but I am.

Watching my mom stick by my dad after ALL that he has been through is a testament to what wedding vows are about -- for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

Seeing my friends who tried to very hard to make it work, yet their ending is different from my parents' ending....it just makes me want to appreciate what I have that much more. I hope neither of my friends read this and think that I am being judgemental -- I'm not -- I'm just sad that things worked out the way they did. I am truly ignorant of the range of emotions that come into play when a marriage breaks down, but I hope that I am still a good friend to both, regardless of their marital status.

Post-Thanksgiving Thanks

Well, it's been awhile, again, since I last posted. My oldest DS's football season is over. They didn't win that many games, but he learned a lot and had fun. That's the good part of sports. My youngest DS is about to start basketball season. This will be his second year to play. I hope he has fun too.

Our youngest DS had surgery on his neck (again) this November. He'd had 3 surgeries in 7 weeks back in 2004. We thought we were finished, but I guess we weren't! His neck was very swollen near his thyroid gland. We saw 3 doctors in 3 days for him, had a CT scan done, saw a 4th doctor who eventually operated and removed a 3rd Branchial Cleft Cyst. I'm glad that there was something to remove this time. There had NOT been back in 2004.

Due to my dad's MRSA infection, he could not see my DS until he was completely healed. That took about a week, but both DS and my Dad managed the separation just fine.

Last weekend (prior to Thanksgiving) my dad's mom, my grandmother, had her 100th birthday celebration. Wow, that's a lot of living. She's in good health, relatively speaking, and said at the party that her grandfather lived to be 106. We'll see if she sets a new family record!

My other thanks is that my friend from Australia, Trisha, and her family arrived and we are to have another full week with them before they return to the land down under. We've visited quilt shops, clothing stores and still have places to tackle before they leave. Of course, we're having great fun trying out Mexican food restaurants and they are having fun eating good Tex-Mex.

The sad bit across the holiday weekend is that my brother and his family did NOT come for Thanksgiving -- even after he'd told my Dad that he would come. My brother needs to understand that we were very fortunate to have my dad with this this Thanksgiving after the suicide attempt in June. My heart aches for my parents because my brother is not balancing his life very well. I understand wanting to have your own family traditions and such, but it's sad that his tradition seems to be not spending holidays with his parents (and therefore, my family) and as a result, losing contact with us.

I am sad about this, but it's his choice. I wish that things were different. But I'm sure we can all say that about something in our lives.

So, for today, I'll be happy that I have friends from the other side of the world that are able to come visit. I'll count my blessings -- one more time! -- and be happy for the many, many God-given blessings that I have.