Part of today was spent with one of the best elder care attorneys in the state. We learned heaps of things about how to protect as much of Mom and Dad's assets as we can and still provide a way to pay for nursing home care for my dad when it becomes necessary. I never would have imagined how many legal documents it would take to set all of this up correctly. I will be forever indebted to my lawyer friend for finding the elder care lawyer. She says she didn't really do alot by finding him. She is so very mistaken.

So, today, 4 days before Christmas, I feel like my head is again above water on the parent front.

As for my house, I'm able to breathe a bit easier there too. A dear lady from church came and helped me take control of the kitchen, living room and dining room of MY house today. We'll actually have a Christmas tree up for Christmas! We'll decorate it tonight as a family. We'll get time together which has been so rare lately and get the tree ready for Christmas.

Another good thing that happened today is that I was able to attend my oldest DS's Christmas party at school. I've done so few things at his school this year, that I was very glad I could be there for this today.

Homesick

Oh boy. Monday mom and I had a meeting w/ the psychiatrists at Parkland re: my dad. They thought he was stable enough to be discharged. We disagreed and it was an awful meeting. The resident was pissy and was miffed that I asked how to spell her name. The attending was really ***chy and didn't even stay for all of the meeting.

Move ahead to today (Wed) and Dad has been discharged and has already had a seizure -- which was most likely caused by a drug interaction between stuff he's already on and the new meds they started this week. Yet in their words -- "He doesn't really even qualify to be here." Tell that to my mom who's scared of my dad now because of how he behaved about two weeks ago.

Dad insists he didn't have a seizure at all. My mom had to put me on the phone to explain that since he'd had the seizure, mom couldn't leave him alone, so he'd just have to sit in the car w/ her and wait on his new prescriptions to be filled. I also told him that we would NOT make it up that he'd had a seizure! Oh the trials and travails of dealing w/ someone with mental illness.

Tomorrow is a visit w/ a new psychiatrist who is much closer. I've heard very good things about him and he's willing to discuss medications etc. with family members. We'll ask for psychotherpy for Dad as well.

I have a meeting set up w/ a lawyer for Friday to learn about Medicaid and how to qualify. A dear friend who is a lawyer did lots of leg work for me and found this guy that we'll meet with on Friday. We have to do as much as we can now, in preparation for a nursing home placement that unfortunately appears to be looming in the not-too-distant future.

At least we'll (hopefully) have one more Christmas at home.

The Wheels on the bus go round and round...

...round and round we go.

We had to have my Dad committed to the psych. ward in the county hospital on Wednesday. It was a dreary, rainy day -- it pretty much matched the way I felt.

His psychiatrist agreed with us that after the 'event' over the weekend, that going into the hospital would be the best way to adjust his medications.

My dad has access to a telephone and has called here at least twice a day every day since. He doesn't sound any better. He still sounds as wild as he did before he was put into the hospital.

My mom doesn't want him to come back home. She's scared of him. Ugh. Now I'm looking into long-term residential psychiatric facilities, nursing homes, Medicade, etc., etc., etc.

Some Christmas gift that is!

My weekend

Life isn't much different here. My dad is still sick, his moods are really wild and my DH and I had to go over to their house today and spend 3 hours and eventually realized that my dad wasn't rational. So, I had to call his psychiatrist and he upped the dosages of a couple of Dad's meds. Dad agreed to take the extra meds, but he's not good.

He's still not doing well tonight. I imagine that my week next week will be consumed w/ doctors appointments for us and for them. Daddy needs to see his psychiatrist ASAP, one DS has 2 cavities that have to be filled on Tuesday. We also have piano on Mon and Tues. Counseling for another DS on Tues -- I'm going to try to talk to the counselor this week too. Wed. I have lunch plans w/ a friend I have not seen in ages. I"m sure there's something on the schedule for Thursday, I just cannot remember it right now -- oh, yes -- speech therapy! Then my oldest DS only goes to school for half a day on Friday and then Saturday is my birthday.

And I still have not shopped for Christmas gifts for us. The house is worse that it has been in years and neither Christmas tree has been put up.

I'm too depressed to face cleaning and decorating. Maybe this is the year to just put up one tree and let the rest go.

Sunday --
Didn't go to church because both DSs are sick. DH has gone to a funeral for a distant relative on his side of the family and I've been calling my parent's house hourly to make sure that things are still relatively calm. I was awakened by a phone call from my mom this a.m. pleading with me to explain to my dad (who no longer drives) why going to church (in his confused mental state) was not a good idea. He really didn't like it, but I convinced him that it would be better to stay home and let the extra medication do its work.

He's still very belligerent, but it's been 24 hours on the upped dosages, so hopefully things will begin to improve tonight.

Well, I've enlisted the help of the DSs to declutter the kitchen and family room. Neither is thrilled, but it has to be done.

Seeing the other side of life

I have to admit that I live in a pretty sheltered little bubble at times. We have very few friends who are divorced. We have recently had houseguests that are in the process of divorcing. Yes, they were here at the same time because they are from another country and were here to bring their children to the US on holiday. They are much more amicable than I would guess any divorcing parents are...but then it's a problem I am unfamiliar with. I'd like to think that I would be kind and put the children first, but then I do have a bit of a temper and at time a tongue that is loosed... but I digress.

I really enjoyed getting to see my friends and their children. I am happy to say that even though I met the 'him' part of the couple first, the friendship with the 'her' part of the couple is not going to be lost just because of the divorce. My husband gets along well with both of them, as do I, but I just don't speak geek as fluently as my husband does! ha. The two guys and I all worked together for a computer company more years ago that I'd like to admit. However, my life has changed and I now stay at home with my two DSs. I have to say that the conversations about system requirements, changing specifications, and end-users that are resistant to change just aren't my cup of tea any longer. I can tune in and empathize, but my hubby is much better at those conversations than I am!

The upshot of the weekend when we were all together is that I have realized (again) what a wonderful man God provided for me as a husband and father. He is attentive to our sons. He listens to me. My friend no longer has that in a marital relationship. They are in separate houses, with separate lives, and as such, no longer have the other to provide companionship and support. I know this probably sounds weird to anyone but me....but seeing how they are no longer together, makes me realize the blessings I have in my marriage.

I guess that's something that we all do at times: view our own lives differently after seeing the dramatic changes in the lives of those around us.

I don't know why I'm surprised by this, after the summer my family has had, but I am.

Watching my mom stick by my dad after ALL that he has been through is a testament to what wedding vows are about -- for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

Seeing my friends who tried to very hard to make it work, yet their ending is different from my parents' ending....it just makes me want to appreciate what I have that much more. I hope neither of my friends read this and think that I am being judgemental -- I'm not -- I'm just sad that things worked out the way they did. I am truly ignorant of the range of emotions that come into play when a marriage breaks down, but I hope that I am still a good friend to both, regardless of their marital status.

Post-Thanksgiving Thanks

Well, it's been awhile, again, since I last posted. My oldest DS's football season is over. They didn't win that many games, but he learned a lot and had fun. That's the good part of sports. My youngest DS is about to start basketball season. This will be his second year to play. I hope he has fun too.

Our youngest DS had surgery on his neck (again) this November. He'd had 3 surgeries in 7 weeks back in 2004. We thought we were finished, but I guess we weren't! His neck was very swollen near his thyroid gland. We saw 3 doctors in 3 days for him, had a CT scan done, saw a 4th doctor who eventually operated and removed a 3rd Branchial Cleft Cyst. I'm glad that there was something to remove this time. There had NOT been back in 2004.

Due to my dad's MRSA infection, he could not see my DS until he was completely healed. That took about a week, but both DS and my Dad managed the separation just fine.

Last weekend (prior to Thanksgiving) my dad's mom, my grandmother, had her 100th birthday celebration. Wow, that's a lot of living. She's in good health, relatively speaking, and said at the party that her grandfather lived to be 106. We'll see if she sets a new family record!

My other thanks is that my friend from Australia, Trisha, and her family arrived and we are to have another full week with them before they return to the land down under. We've visited quilt shops, clothing stores and still have places to tackle before they leave. Of course, we're having great fun trying out Mexican food restaurants and they are having fun eating good Tex-Mex.

The sad bit across the holiday weekend is that my brother and his family did NOT come for Thanksgiving -- even after he'd told my Dad that he would come. My brother needs to understand that we were very fortunate to have my dad with this this Thanksgiving after the suicide attempt in June. My heart aches for my parents because my brother is not balancing his life very well. I understand wanting to have your own family traditions and such, but it's sad that his tradition seems to be not spending holidays with his parents (and therefore, my family) and as a result, losing contact with us.

I am sad about this, but it's his choice. I wish that things were different. But I'm sure we can all say that about something in our lives.

So, for today, I'll be happy that I have friends from the other side of the world that are able to come visit. I'll count my blessings -- one more time! -- and be happy for the many, many God-given blessings that I have.

Are you ready for some football?

Hallelujiah! Football season is upon us! The Aggies have started their season, pro ball is done with pre-season, and my oldest DS is starting YMCA tackle football! WHOOP! The oldest DS was 'discovered' at church a couple of Sundays ago by a friend. The friend assumed that we'd gotten DS signed up, but after our summer, we'd missed the sign-up deadline. Well, his son is on a team and that team needed one more player. You guessed it...my DS filled the slot.

Now bear in mind that my DS is 10 and is 5'6" and about 170 lbs. I'm fairly certain that I'll have to have a copy of his birth certificate on me at our games, just to prove he's young enough to be playing. But, DS is thrilled to be playing and I'm thrilled to be a football mom.

I doubt the checkbook is thrilled. We, of course, purchase all of our own equipment for this endeavor and I'm suiting out a kid who is as big as some high schoolers. Ah well....the price I pay for having a lineman!

Nursing

Well, Daddy has been here for 10 days now. I'm a bit tired of being a nurse! Mom has actually shouldered more of the responsibility that I have, but I'm in charge of all the medications, doctors appointments, therapy appointments (there are at least 3 different therapists) and organizing stuff.

Meals are no longer being prepared for us. I understand why. But boy I wish we could have had them for another 2 weeks. It's just hard learning to juggle regular household duties with:

medicine at 8:30 a.m.
feeding at 9:00 a.m.
medicine at 9:00 a.m.
cleaning out trach. after meal
shower and dressing dad
feeding at noon
dissolve medicine at 12:30 p.m.
give medicine at 1:00 p.m.
feeding at 3:00 p.m.
feeding at 6:00 p.m.
medicine at 8:30 p.m.
feeding at 9:00 p.m.
medicine at 9:00 p.m.

then there's the laundry because he has towels that he keeps around in case he coughs too much out of his trach.

Don't forget I have 2 kids, am considering homeschooling, have the DSs in counseling to deal w/ this summer's events (as well as myself), in addition to O.T. for one of them, and speech therapy for both of them, and piano for one of them (which I finally canceled for the rest of the summer), an injured leg on the oldest, etc., etc., etc......

I've resigned my volunteer position at the elementary school and will soon finish my volunteer duties at church in about 3 more weeks.

All of that being said, my parents will probably go back to their house within the next 3 days or so. Then I guess I'll find out who my *real* friends are when I start calling and asking for help to get the downstairs part of the house livable again.

Peg tube is in

Daddy had surgery yesterday to insert the peg tube for feeding. We didn't know they'd do that so quickly. We thought it would be next week. But it was Friday and surgery happened. My friend Karen took both of my boys and kept them for the rest of the day. Shopping trips included! Thanks Karen!! It was nice to be able to stay yesterday and not have to worry about getting back home to pick up the boys. I'll be glad when my DH is back home. Only 8 more days.

laundry is piling up. house is a mess. but Daddy is better.

Off to get the oldest DS seen about -- his ankle. And church camp is next week. I hope he's o.k.

@#$%&

Daddy didn't pass the swallow test today. It seems that too much damage has been done to the muscles and nerves in his neck. That's not to say that things won't get better, but it means that for now, he'll have to have a peg tube surgically inserted into his stomach for feeding.

The swallowing issue also means that he will have to come home with the tracheotomy tube in. Since he cannot swallow anything, that even means the lung secreations that each of us swallow every day will not get evacuated, so the trach. tube has to stay in.

I'm trying to stay positive and believe the God will allow the nerves to regenerate and that Daddy will learn how to swallow again. But if I allow myself to go down the other path, it just seems awful. Having to have two tubes in your body forever. Yuck. And my mom and I will have to learn how to feed Daddy and clean both of these. I don't mind, but what if it IS forever?

Mom wondered tonight why God allowed this. I have to admit, that it never occured to me that this would be one of the possible outcomes. Our speech therapist at the hospital is so sweet and so caring, she was really upset by the outcome of the test today too. Mom isn't doing well tonight. I'm single-parenting while DH is on a long business trip (4 trips in one). This was to have been the trip I got to go on with him. Oh well....

On the homeschool side of things, I have gotten a few lessons handled. Not as many as I would like, but at least enough that I can wing it if I have to.

Starting week Four

Well...

Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday of this past week were bad. Monday, Wednesday and Friday were better. I am very tired. DH is gone on business, DSs are off to camp again this week. Lots of to-ing and fro-ing this week.

Thanks goodness for friends who are still preparing meals.

I must contact hospital administration if we cannot resolve the caregiver issues tomorrow.

Pray for understanding on all sides.

Three Weeks Later...

Well, alot has happened in the three weeks since Daddy was in that deep, dark place. The EMTs, the CareFlight crew and the trauma surgeons did an amazing job on my dad. His sutures are to come out this week. He's learning to talk with the tracheotomy. That is to be a temporary thing. He is sitting up for an hour and a half or more at a time now. He can talk with the trach, but it's an effort.

Cards keep coming in from friends. We keep taking them up there. Daddy has set a 100 card goal for himself. We're getting there.

The church family is still feeding us and that is a tremendous help. Mom's still here with us and I think that it's good for her.

The doctors say that a stay in rehab and then a psych facility are both required before Daddy is released. It's going to be a long summer......

World Upside Down

To those who don't know...my dad attempted suicide on 6/22. We'd been adjusting his medications under the care of his neurologist, and Daddy was not in his right mind. The depression was too much. He is alive. He was care-flighted to the hospital.

But...it was a very long day. He was in surgery for about 4 1/2 hours. He did major damage to his neck with a knife. Please understand that I don't want to go into further details.

He did NOT hit his carotid arteries or the veins; the nerves did not appear damaged; his larynx and trachea were injured, but appear to be o.k. after surgery. They are keeping him sedated for obvious reasons. He has had to have a tracheotomy.

However, his blood pressure was so low that stroke is a possibility. We'll know more tomorrow when they 'un-sedate' him to see if he's had a stroke.

Thank you to those of you who came to the hospital to be with us...words will never be able to express how much that meant to mom and me. For those of you who were praying, I saw the answer to your prayers when the surgeon came out and reported all the things that had NOT gone wrong.

Unfortunately, Mom is the one who found him and she needs extra special prayers for now. Images that won't leave are the greatest burden right now.

We love you and appreciate your prayers. My husband will man the phone, but please understand that email will probably be the easiest way for me to update you, as I don't want to go into details where my boys can overhear.


This is the text of the email I sent out the first night. How I could do that I don't know. God is amazing. He protected Daddy.

Getting on the band wagon

Well since my youngest DS seems intent on home schooling, I've begun investigating curriculum choices. I believe I'll go with the "Five in a Row" by Jane Claire Lambert for the beginning. It's a thematic program where we read the same book five days in a row, pulling out various things to study each day.

I've created a list of books I'll need to check out from the public library for the entire first volume of this curriculum. I am actually getting excited about this. Since I'm not a teacher by trade, I would imagine I'll have lots of work to do to learn how to best help my son, but at least I'm excited about it.

Today he and I were reading a book and he got the wiggles. I had him hop up and do 10 hops in place, clapping on the 'downbeat.' he shorted me a couple of hops, so he had to do it all again. He was laughing by the time we'd actually gotten 10 hops in a row out of him. He was also able to sit still and read for awhile longer.

THESE are the things we can do at home that public school isn't geared for.

I'm hopeful, prayerful and trusting in God.

P.S. The new fence on our property is underway! I am SO excited about that!

Seems DS has made the decision for me...

We were discussing the contents of DS's backpack tonight. He's the one in summer school. I asked what was in there. He listed the contents and then said...I can just use my take-home folder next year in 2nd grade! (all enthusiasticly). And here I sit, listening, thinking "When am I going to tell him that 'next year' is going to be a repeat of THIS year?" When, in true DS fashion, he said, "Oh, what was I thinking. We're going to homeschool next year!"

As the title says...seems DS has made the decision for me!

I guess I'd better get some home school curriculum catalogs and get crackin'!

Summer School is here!

Well today was was the start of summer school for my youngest DS. He seemed to enjoy the experience and since it's only a half day of instruction, he didn't seem to mind it too much. However, he did realize that our church's Vacation Bible School was a time conflict with summer school. (He realized this about a week ago). He proceeded to tell me "You shouldn't have signed me up for summer school!" How do you tell him that I didn't really have a choice?!

VBS has started and I'm getting my baby fix. I'm in the room with the bed babies. We have a 14 mo. old boy and a 4 mo. old girl. Since I only have boys of my own, the baby girl thing is lots of fun. She was a hoot today and make me wish I'd started having kids sooner, when I was younger. Ah well....

Next week will see my oldest DS off to a digital photography class for the majority of the week. A chance for him to grown and shine some. He's really had some major achievements since school was out. First, the stress of school was off him and he's a completely different child. Happy, laughing, joking (at times at his own expense -- a first!) and generally the sweet, sensitive guy that I remember from years past that I thought had gone underground with the approaching tween years. Then we learned that he's now taller than I am (not a *major* accomplishment, since I'm not a giant, but still big in his book). And he's just kind of decided that he can help around the house and it won't kill him.

Who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

I took my DH's recent road trip as an opportunity to attack that pit that he calls an office and do some major cleaning. Even if no one else in the world can tell I worked in there (and you probably could tell), I know that it's better and that feeling is nice. A step in the right direction, I can do anything 15 minutes at a time...

Just as my youngest DS will learn to read and write....and the eldest will learn to take amazing pictures....a little bit at a time.

A great weekend

We had the good fortune to be invited out of town for this past weekend. My DH was out of town on business, so the boys and I went to Sulphur Springs with friends. My friend also has two sons, so it was great for the four of them to do guy stuff together all weekend long. Throw in grandparents who have a go cart and 9+ acres and you get the drift of our weekend! The boys drove circles around the house until the drive chain broke on the go cart....and we still had the better part of a day left to fill. There were some nice parks that kept the boys occupied when the go cart wouldn't go.

My friend and I had time to partake of our common hobby while there as well. So we worked on year end teacher gifts. That's good since school is out on Thursday!

It was a great chance to escape from the hustle and bustle of city life. I grew up in the country, so any chance I get to leave town is welcome. I think my favorite part of the weekend was pushing one of my sons on a swing hung from the branch of an enormous oak tree that is at least 200 years old. That was relaxing.

Mother's Day

Well, as Mother's Days go, it was a good one. Lots of time with the family and a nice long nap to boot. My boys went shopping with their dad earlier in the week. Each of the boys got me something they picked out all by themselves -- clothing -- and I love both of the items they gave me. DH said that the boys also picked out the cards on their own. My oldest DS's card was just hilarious and SO exactly his personality! I loved it.

I spent this evening with the credit card, summer camp brochures and the calendar. My oldest will spend a week learning about digital photography. He wished for a camera for Christmas and has shown a great deal of talent for taking good pictures. His pictures from our trip to Disney World were some of the best ones we took.

Then both of the boys will go to an outdoor summer camp for two weeks later in the summer. Rumor has it that they will swim or fish each day. Then with church camp that's planned for this summer, that will give us a month of activity for my oldest. My youngest is going to summer school, so the two weeks of fishing and swimming will be his great adventure before spending a week with the grandparents while I go on a business trip w/ my DH.

All in all, a good mother's day for me and for getting the summer plan organized,.

Educational Dilemmas Abound

Well, we had an ARD at school to day to learn if our youngest DS was eligible for special education. He was not. That is o.k. with me as I know he's a bright child who just has processing delays, etc. I was happy to learn that he IS eligible for occupational therapy through the school system. I've know that he needed this since January, but we had to jump through all the hoops to get this approved through the school district.

But the biggest bit of news was that his teacher feels that it's in DS's best interest to be retained. Now, I have known that in my heart of hearts since December. He wasn't reading on level and had (has) lots of problems staying organized and focused. So much trouble, that we've discussed ADD / ADHD with our pediatrician. But I digress... Hearing the words "needs to be retained" come from someone else's mouth about my DS was just very disheartening. One of the therapists who evaluated my child said that when she returned him to the classroom, all of the other students were on a particular page in a certain textbook. My child got out the appropriate book, but could NOT find the correct page. That just broke my heart. How hard has this year been on him? How lost has he been all year? Hasn't anyone seen it?

So the upshot of the ARD was that he gets 30 minutes of O.T. each week. Well...we already pay for private O.T. once / week. and he gets more time than that at the private O.T.'s office. So, would he really get the help he needs repeating 1st grade in a large classroom setting, with only 30 minutes of O.T. per week, or would he get more help in a one-on-one environment with me (homeschooling), where we have time to take sensory breaks WHENEVER they are needed is possible?

Oh I don't know what life will bring in the next few months. I'm afraid of leaving him where he is since he will only get an additional 30 minutes of O.T. per week (with sensory breaks for the whole class vs. just for him so he doesn't feel singled out). As usual, I want the answer now, but I have to wait and let the Lord lead.

Home Schooling?

I have several friends that do home schooling. As I watch my boys go through the school system here, I wonder "What are they learning?" I distinctly remember DH and me deciding that we had to give our oldest DS the birds and the bees talk WAY before we thought we'd need to. All because of another child at school who was giving out erroneous information. We felt we had to be the ones to introduce those concepts. So that they were framed in the correct context. Dr. Dobson's books were a great help, BTW.

And now my other DS is facing problems in school. He isn't reading on level. (what's that all about?) He has trouble sitting in his chair. Well...who says DS has to do it on their time table? Why can't they cater to HIS learning style instead of the learning style of the majority of the class? Do I sound like a grumpy mama bear yet?

Am I bordering on becoming a home schooler? I'm afraid so. But where will the time come from? Will I be good at it? Will my kids still learn? Will they be well rounded, well adjusted, polite robots, or will they still have their great quirky senses of humor and will they still get along w/ kids their own age?

On the plus side, we'd get to ditch those stupid achievement tests that they give here in Texas that are such a source of stress for the kids. I know....I watched my oldest DS go through the testing last year and this year. He was terrified the 2nd week of school this year that he'd fail the writing test. A test that isn't administered until FEBRUARY!! I was livid that the teachers has even mentioned the test the 2nd week of school.

I'm wondering if it's possible. Or are these thoughts just the musings of a mom who cannot sleep?

My first blog

Well, I decided that I should attempt to catch up w/ the information age and blog so that I can keep track of my random thoughts.

Things that are currently on my mind:
* Daniel's education
* How will we ever survive the last month of school?
* Will I ever get the house clean again before the boys leave?
* Finances
* My Stampin' Up! business -- why did they retire so many cool stamp sets?

Other than that I guess I'm just normal and working on being a SAHM.