Drowning in junk and other weighty thoughts

As I've said before, it's been a hard year around here.

And when you walk into my house, you see it. We never get all of the laundry done at one time any more. That I'm coming to grips with. I'll just do laundry daily until my kids are grown. O.K. I have kids. They are healthy. They get clothes dirty. I can do the wash -- and so can they (thank goodness).

But...my hobby of stamping cards and other stuff has taken a back burner this year. I miss having time to do that. I miss being invited to be the demonstrator at stamping parties. Of course, I have to get out there and rebuild my business and get new customers who want to have parties. And when will I find time to do that? Who knows!

I never seem to have a single room completely clean any more. I can hire people to clean the house, but NO ONE can clean the house if it's drowning in clutter. And I don't have the drive to get it in order. Depressed? maybe. Discouraged? yes. Wishing that I could twitch my nose like Samantha did on Bewitched? You bet! But we all know that THAT only happens on T.V.!

And adding home schooling to my list of activities and responsibilities this year certainly didn't open up any free time. If anything it created another area in which I can feel inadequate. (And yes I did have to rephrase that sentence so it didn't end with a preposition! Maybe I"m learning something too! ha) I don't think that I have done the best that I could as a home schooler this year. But I have to measure that against "the best that I could do...given that my life stunk this year." And as a good home school friend has told me -- "God knew what your year would be like when He placed it on your heart to home school. Don't worry about it." I need to have that tattooed on my arm or something so that I can see it all the time.

But, my son is able to read now. He is reading for pleasure on occasion. He is still loving math -- which was always a love for him. We do occupational and speech therapy, in addition to musical education -- all of those three are outside the home.

What were my goals when we started home schooling?

1) to teach my son to read.
2) to give him a more relaxed environment in which to learn -- we certainly don't hold to any strict schedule here!
3) to allow him another year to mature and to overcome gross and fine motor skill problems in the hope that handwriting would improve.
4) to work on tackling the speech issues.
5) to get the ADD under control, so that he can concentrate and learn.

If I sit and look back at that list, then I have been successful. I hope that others think so. It's difficult when my mom is a retired public school teacher. I feel the urge and push to put my child back in public school so that I don't make her think that I thought her career was misspent. My choice to do home schooling this past year had nothing to do with her, or her career choice.

This past year was about doing what was best for my child so that he could learn at a pace that worked for him.

But now the 'school year end' is looming. And so are the questions from everyone about "Are you going to continue to homeschool?" At this point I have to say "I don't know." I am trying to decide if it's worth the trouble to have ALL of that testing redone in the public school system (because they won't use the old results -- for good or bad). It's a huge mess that I'd have to navigate once again. And when the testing is done, there's no guarantee that an IEP would be created for my child. Then I'd have to approach the school system about a 504 plan. Sort of a way of getting the services needed, but without being under the special ed umbrella.

OR

I could give it another try this year with a different curriculum. And possibly join a co-op so that we have 1) other friends who are home schoolers, 2) a social outlet for me (see previous post from today), and 3) the opportunity for my DS to socialize and play with other kids.

Why am I so moody today? It's not a full moon. The weather isn't changing, is it? All elementary school teachers would tell you that if either of those occurred, the kids would be swinging from the rafters. And if they happened to occur AT THE SAME TIME! oh my word.

That's what I feel like today. Full moon + weather craziness all wrapped up into one big mess and thrown at me. and that the world hit a bullseye on my emotions.

Ugh.