Brother is.....??

well....I was shocked and amazed that my brother came to town for my mom's surgery.

I was glad, because my husband was still overseas when the sugery took place. Hubby got home Friday night. Brother called me at 9:30 today telling me he was leaving town. He's tired of hearing mom fuss at dad. I was dumbfounded. Then I found my voice and proceeded to tell him:

I am tired and need his help. He respsonded that he works 8 days and week and misses his family too. I said I'm not talking about being physically tired -- I'm emotionally tired of carrying the entire load of caring for OUR parents. He said, well you live in the same town.

I said I needed him to stay today and care for Daddy so that I could spend time with my husband and my sons. He said he wanted to see his family too. I said, I've done this all on my own for two weeks while my husband has been overseas for work. I've done all the doctor's appointments with my parents leading up to the surgery and I needed a break. I also reminded him that once he goes home, it will all be my responsibility again.

I also pointed out to him that the two times in the last 22 months that he's actually been here have been times of crisis. Mom has been scared out of her mind (for dad and now for herself with cancer). She's in pain and she's on pain medication. I told him that she won't remember any of what's gone on for the past few days once she's better. I told him that she's grumpy because she's scared, in pain and on meds. I told him he has to let it go in one ear and out the other. That when she gripes, he is to go to her bed, touch her, calm her and tell her to remember that God loves her and is in control of all of this.

He made noises like he didn't like what he was hearing. I explained to him that he should be grateful to our mom for not divorcing our dad when dad got so sick. I reminded him that she could have done that and left the two of us to be responsible for dad's care and well-being...BUT SHE DIDN'T! I also told him that she's the living example of what marriage vows mean. The man she married is dead and gone -- mental illness took him a long time ago -- but that because she loved that man so much, she's loving and caring for the guy that our dad has become.

Brother didn't have much to say after that one. He seems to be under the impression that mom rags on him for not being here to help. so I told him a little story....

I told him that in the past few months, mom called me one day all upset and told me how I never help her with my dad. I was speechless when that happened. I now know that it was a medication issue and have had to choose to let that one go. Chalk it up to experience with that medication and know that she didn't mean it. It hurt at the time, but I didn't stop helping her with dad. Brother didn't say anything after that little revelation either.

So the day has ended...my brother is still in town. He actually stayed and cared for our parents today. I was surprised and grateful. He even attended my youngest son's piano recital tonight. And after we'd all had dinner together, he even viewed the videotape that I made of my oldest son's band concert. (I taped it becuase hubby was out of town, so we all got to see it tonight.)

It was sad to hear him say he was going to leave just because it was uncomforatable to be around mom today. I am very glad he 'manned up' and stayed the whole day. I just hope he realizes that we do enjoy his company and that it's not that far of a drive for him to see us all.