Brother is.....??

well....I was shocked and amazed that my brother came to town for my mom's surgery.

I was glad, because my husband was still overseas when the sugery took place. Hubby got home Friday night. Brother called me at 9:30 today telling me he was leaving town. He's tired of hearing mom fuss at dad. I was dumbfounded. Then I found my voice and proceeded to tell him:

I am tired and need his help. He respsonded that he works 8 days and week and misses his family too. I said I'm not talking about being physically tired -- I'm emotionally tired of carrying the entire load of caring for OUR parents. He said, well you live in the same town.

I said I needed him to stay today and care for Daddy so that I could spend time with my husband and my sons. He said he wanted to see his family too. I said, I've done this all on my own for two weeks while my husband has been overseas for work. I've done all the doctor's appointments with my parents leading up to the surgery and I needed a break. I also reminded him that once he goes home, it will all be my responsibility again.

I also pointed out to him that the two times in the last 22 months that he's actually been here have been times of crisis. Mom has been scared out of her mind (for dad and now for herself with cancer). She's in pain and she's on pain medication. I told him that she won't remember any of what's gone on for the past few days once she's better. I told him that she's grumpy because she's scared, in pain and on meds. I told him he has to let it go in one ear and out the other. That when she gripes, he is to go to her bed, touch her, calm her and tell her to remember that God loves her and is in control of all of this.

He made noises like he didn't like what he was hearing. I explained to him that he should be grateful to our mom for not divorcing our dad when dad got so sick. I reminded him that she could have done that and left the two of us to be responsible for dad's care and well-being...BUT SHE DIDN'T! I also told him that she's the living example of what marriage vows mean. The man she married is dead and gone -- mental illness took him a long time ago -- but that because she loved that man so much, she's loving and caring for the guy that our dad has become.

Brother didn't have much to say after that one. He seems to be under the impression that mom rags on him for not being here to help. so I told him a little story....

I told him that in the past few months, mom called me one day all upset and told me how I never help her with my dad. I was speechless when that happened. I now know that it was a medication issue and have had to choose to let that one go. Chalk it up to experience with that medication and know that she didn't mean it. It hurt at the time, but I didn't stop helping her with dad. Brother didn't say anything after that little revelation either.

So the day has ended...my brother is still in town. He actually stayed and cared for our parents today. I was surprised and grateful. He even attended my youngest son's piano recital tonight. And after we'd all had dinner together, he even viewed the videotape that I made of my oldest son's band concert. (I taped it becuase hubby was out of town, so we all got to see it tonight.)

It was sad to hear him say he was going to leave just because it was uncomforatable to be around mom today. I am very glad he 'manned up' and stayed the whole day. I just hope he realizes that we do enjoy his company and that it's not that far of a drive for him to see us all.

Please make it stop!

Yesterday (Wed.) my mom learned that she has a 2 cm lesion on one of her lungs. She is a 2 time cancer survivor. She's also lived under an enormous amount of stress in the last 13 months.

So, she is set to have a CT scan on Monday. My Dad is set to have one on Tuesday to see if he is still collecting fluid in his abodmen. I hope that both of the CTs turn out with negative results -- no cancer, and no fluid.

But yesterday evening, after having dinner w/ me and my boys (hubby is traveling AGAIN!), mom's car started giving her problems on the drive home. A friend gave her a ride home, so I didn't have to get back out. But that left her carless for today. And she had a medical appointment this morning. A friend of mine took mom to that appointment, as I was supposed to be at the nursing home for a care meeting for my dad.

So I picked mom up there and we did all the stuff together that she would have done on her own, had she had a car. The service guys at the Buick house told me this afternoon that "they had loaner cars." Thank goodness we'd not rented a car for mom yet. So, at 5:20 p.m. I'm finally home w/ my boys after a full day of errands and meetings for and with my parents.

Exhausting.

But...Dad will be released from the nursing home next week Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on the CT results.

Life is better

Mom is out of the hospital -- has been since Thursday evening. Dad got moved to a skilled nursing facility on Friday. I spent ALL DAY Saturday helping my mom get my dad settled and getting her ready to be at home on her own.

My little family is out of town for a much deserved rest. We left later than we planned, but we're here now and I'm looking forward to time away.

Next parental update

Mom is improving. The intestinal blockage is easing. She's now on a liquid diet. If she continues to improve, she'll probably be discharged in the next 24 hours.

My dad was going to be released from Plano Specialty Hospital to home, but now that Mom's in the hospital, I've nixed that plan. I have dad being evaluated by 2 different skilled nursing facilities (nursing homes). I'm praying that the facility closest to Mom and Dad's house will accept him so that he'll be very close to home and that will make it easy for mom to visit him.

Once there, dad will receive the rest of his IV antibiotics and will receive all of his therapies (speech, physical and occupational) so that he can regain his strength and return home. Dad will get a PIC-line inserted tomorrow. He's worried about it, but it's a very routine thing. I don't think it will be a big deal.

Must go sleep. Because I only slept 14 hours last night. ha

Parental updates

Tuesday's update:

Dad
----
Am waiting on a call from the gerenterologist to learn why he refuses to increase my dad's nutrition to 10 cans / day. That's what dad needs in order to maintain a healthy weight. I am bamboozled that the dr. will not believe what dad's GP, and dad's nutritionist both say is required to maintain a healthy weight.

Also want to learn how much longer he thinks Dad needs to stay there.

talked with the consulting neuropsychologist. Gave him the run down on dad. He is not going to change any meds. Yeah!

Learned that dad has 42 medicare days left for a skilled nursing facility. This is a good thing.


Mom
----
she has had a bad headache due to Morfine. Got that switched to Dalaudid (sp?) Her xrays this a.m. showed that she is improving very slowly.

I called the gastroenterologist and asked her to consult w/ the surgeon and call me tonight after she'd made rounds.



Also got dental appointments made for both parents for the month of August.

Now I'm off to bring in mail, pick up newspapers, feed their cat, take care of some laundry at their house and leave a key w/ their next door neighboor so they can handle the first 3 items on this list for me until mom gets back home.

Ugh.

And now my kids are grumpy. So am I.

Same Song, Second Verse

I am on a merry-go-round and cannot seem to get off.

Today, I went to see my dad at the long term acute care (LTAC) hospital he's currently staying in. I specifically went to give him a haircut since he's soooo shaggy.

When I got there and worked on cutting his hair, the cradle cap on his bald head (it's NOT like the workers couldn't see see!) was SO bad that I wanted to be sick. I left the room and found the head of nursing. I asked her to come to Daddy's room. I showed her his head and the towel I was using to try to clean his head. I told her that Daddy should NOT have to be that dirty. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wanted his hair shampooed. I told her I was NOT happy.

I also asked her to find out from the wound care nurse if Daddy could take a shower. She reported that the wound care nurse said he COULD shower as long as the nurses redress his wounds. I told her I wanted Daddy showered and his head shampooed today.

Well, the tech. came by the room and said since Daddy had already had a sponge bath today, she would shampoo his hair, but would save the shower for Thursday.

What is it about the people who work in these facilities that make them blind (and unable to smell) to the state of the patients?

And on top of it all, I think my mom is getting sick. She was so exhausted that she could not go to the LTAC today. She sounds like she's getting sick. She's doing too much and doesn't have time to take care of herself. I cannot be all things to all people. I'd just like to have my sibling show up and pitch in and help care for our parents. Oh well....

Daddy is to have a CT scan of his abdomen tomorrow to see if the infection is gone. I hope and pray that it is. Then we can work on strengthening him and get him out of the LTAC.

Who'd have ever thought that an appendectomy would lead to all of this?